Those teardrops I cry
by hime the stars shine bright
Summary: Ichiruki. Life was fleeting, love wasn't fair, and she would always be left behind. And yet, all it took was a single stare into her eyes to make her realize what she thought was completely false.


You can't understand it.

You were far too small to remember it.

You don't remember anything about your parents. But you were there; in the living world, when they died. You were there when Hisana became an orphan and had to take care of you on her own. And you were there when she died and was sent to Rukongai with you.

No one really seemed to care; after all, aren't you too small to be affected by it?

_No._

They say parents are a child's first teacher; and the most important.

Well, they've taught Rukia something important, even in their absence.

Mommy and Daddy are abandonment number 1.

...

Her gentle hands, scarred by Rukongai's harshness, carry you wherever she went. Protecting you from the insane retards that lurked everywhere, from starvation, from loneliness, from everything she herself has to deal with.

She's all you have.

You can't talk to her. You smile and giggle and coo because you're tiny and that's all you know how to do. Quietly, your heart prays it's enough, for now.

She smiles weakly at you and runs her fingers through your thin, feathery hair. Your hair isn't _nearly_ long enough to be run through yet. You swear, somewhere deep down, that you'll grow your hair out a little bit when you grow- but not too much, because you want to look just like Onee-san.

She loves you so much, but in the end, she carefully placed you against the building, leaving nothing but a note with your name, and runs off, not looking back as tears fill her eyes.

You don't want her to leave, but what can you do? You're only a baby, and she can no longer take care of you.

Hisana-sama is abandonment number 2.

...

You're not so small anymore. You are determined and sharp, and you want to live.

You refuse to let Rukongai pull you down as low as it.

You don't remember anything from your past, you were too small.

So since you didn't have a past, you promise yourself to make a future.

You find Renji and the others, and you become the center of a very odd family- but hell, it's enough because now, their all you've got.

10 years after becoming a part of them, you can do nothing but stare ahead as you tell Renji you and he should become shinigami because life in the Seireitei is much better then it is in Rukongai- or so you've heard.

What you haven't heard is that being a shinigami requires strength, courage, and the ability to put your life on the line immediately for other people.

But you don't know that yet; you're just a young girl.

So when you stand there on that hill, your eyes hold sadness and grief, not because of your nonexistent-seeming future, but because of the now-shattered past.

Because behind you are three graves holding the only precious people you have, so you thank god Renji still stands behind you- living, breathing, talking, _caring_.

Those three friends conclude abandonment number 3.

...

You are numb from surprise.

As of now, you're just a simple student at the academy. There is nothing special about you at all, in fact, your fighting skills compared to the other students in your class are low; you don't have any talent with a sword, and being good at Kido is really nothing special in your eyes.

So _why _would the head of the Kuchiki clan ever choose you?

You don't know. So you don't know how to answer when the request actually comes.

When you tell Renji, you are surprised at his happiness.

Does he _want _to let you go?

Does he not care?

You might never see him again.

You don't know how to respond to him. So you thank him, and you leave.

You hurt so much, because you've lost the last person you cared for.

And even though it was unintended,

Renji Abarai was abandonment number 4.

...

Your life has turned into a living nightmare.

It's raining hard and it feels like icy needles pricking against your skin. You're completely soaked and you wish you were the one lying there dying instead of him.

You grip him and he speaks weakly to you and you scream his name and sob and _sob_, but it's too late because he can't hear you now.

You're a complete mess because you've lost just another person, and what's worse is that it's _your_ sword sticking out of his back.

_"I dragged you into this. My stubbornness has caused you pain. I'm sorry. You must be torn apart inside. Thanks to you, my heart can still stay here."_

Kaien-dono is abandonment number 5.

...

For two months, you are able to feel what they call "happiness" again.

But, as you decide, all good things come to an end, and the end is here, and now.

You leave a note at Ichigo's house and run- you can't afford to let him get involved with your problems again. You dragged him into this; and now you were going to make sure he stayed out.

They come to take you back, and just when you think it'll be ok because perhaps Renji won't be able to find Ichigo, there he is.

You really can't do anything but watch as they beat him down, but you cannot just stand by and watch it happen, so you find an opening and hold Renji back, desperately screaming at Ichigo to just get the hell out of here.

He doesn't listen.

Instead, he stands up and tries to fight again, and ends up on the ground almost unconscious.

He tells you to stop, look at him.

You turn and tell him that if he follows you, you will _never_ forgive him.

_I'm sorry, Ichigo._

Now you _really_ hate yourself. Because you're doing exactly what you despise others for.

You've abandoned him.

...

You're sitting in your cell speaking to Renji, who is on the other side, when he comes and informs you of your execution date.

Renji is shocked, and he verbally shows it. But you...

For some reason, you are not surprised.

It's just like what you told Renji earlier.

_"That man has not once looked at me."_

Just because you love and respect him like he's your real brother does not mean he feels the same.

Byakuya nii-sama is abandonment number 6.

...

When Renji informs you of Ichigo's entering the Seireitei, you are shocked.

_Why?_

After everything you told him.

After everything that happened to him.

He still dares to set foot here?

_Why?_

You put your hands together and hold them at your forehead, and think _"Please Ichigo, please, just go home. You will die here if you don't. Don't involve yourself anymore; go home. Please."_

But Ichigo's never really listened to your advice, and that's one thing you dislike about him.

...

The first time Ichigo attempts to rescue you, you yell at him.

He tells you to shut up and act like a real person in distress, to cry and tremble and beg to be rescued.

You tell him the rescuer isn't supposed to ignore the rescuee, and for one single moment, you feel normal again.

But right then, Nii-sama walks right up, and that one teeny moment of happiness flies off like a blade of grass, gone with the wind, and his reiatsu settles on you and everyone else.

Yoruichi-san appears out of nowhere, knocks Ichigo out, and takes him away. You black out, and that's it.

_That's it. It's all over._

...

You are going to die.

You believe firmly in this, as some invisible force lifts you off your feet into who knows how many feet in the air.

You look down and silently thank everyone for what they've done- Renji, Nii-sama, Ichigo...

You say goodbye.

You close your eyes.

And a single tear runs down your face.

Are you afraid?

You tell yourself you are calm. That nothing matters now. It all ends here.

You wait, but you realize nothing happens, and you do what anyone would- you open your eyes.

And your heart skips a beat.

_"I-Ichigo..."_

_"...Yo."_

You try to tell him off again- he'll be facing 13 captains and 13 lieutenants!- but he pays no heed to your words.

_"You know Rukia, I'm really glad I don't listen to you."_

You're silent when he tells you this; and you look up at him.

You feel as if his strength is flowing through you. Eternal.

...

When it's all over, many of the people who had abandoned you have returned.

You now know about Hisana-sama. You had no clue who she was earlier, besides that she was Nii-sama's wife; but Nii-sama told you the truth. You patch up your friendship with Renji, and your ties to Soul Society have been repaired.

Ichigo tells you to go rest; they'll be leaving for Karakura soon and you need to be in good health.

You tell him you've got something to tell him- that you've decided to stay in Soul Society instead of returning with him to Karakura.

He tells you he's glad.

Not because you won't be around, but that you're staying because you decided on your own.

_"See ya, Rukia."_

_"Yeah."_

You don't kiss. You don't hug. You hardly speak. All it takes is a single, good look into each other's eyes.

_"Thank you, Ichigo."_

_I mean it, thank you._

Regardless of what happens, you know the truth.

Ichigo will never abandon you.


End file.
